Every year my friends and I do a gift exchange. They ask me to write a left-right story for the exchange. I love to write, but I love to start somewhere. I always search for one and find cheesy happy ones. One year we did a Fifty Shades of Grey exchange story. And this year after a bad week of work and starting the last Dexter book, I wrote our new story.
*Obviously it is just a story. I would never harm my boss in any way. This is just a mean mean mean left-right story for anyone with a crappy boss.
Bethany LEFT tried to do everything RIGHT, but it didn’t matter what she did. She would never do RIGHT by her boss who was struggling mentally from being LEFT out again and again in her life. The boss did not care about Bethany LEFT trying to be RIGHT. All the bitchy boss wanted was to be RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT! Even though everything the boss did was LEFT of RIGHT by miles.
Bethany LEFT felt hopeless. Her mind was LEFT to create elaborate schemes to kill the never RIGHT boss. Bethany would start with her LEFT foot, then her LEFT arm. Then chopping each LEFT piece in small chunks, she would then begin on the RIGHT side. Her RIGHT arm, her RIGHT leg. And then Bethany thought she would start on the middle but the fear of touching her blubbering stomach turned her off of the thoughts. She thought about it and imagined chopping it into a six pack. LEFT LEFT LEFT, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT….Boy those chunks would be floppy and gross. The thought made Bethany a little sick, but if she could keep the boss alive during it, she could feed her each piece. Here is the RIGHT chunk you like to rub on Mr. Smith. Here are the LEFT chunk and RIGHT chunk that always peek out at the staff during meetings. Bethany LEFT felt feeding her the LEFT piece and the RIGHT piece was just amusing.
In reality, Bethany LEFT could never do this, but it did make her feel better on days with the boss told her how she was never RIGHT in any way and who cares about her Master’s degree because she was never RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. It was frustrating and Bethany LEFT felt she had nothing LEFT to hope for but her boss’s death.
With the Christmas season near, Bethany LEFT decided that she would give her boss a break. She forgot about ripping off her boss’s LEFT arm. She forgot about stomping on her LEFT lung. She forgot about ripping her limbs from her limp body and dismembering her, LEFT arm, LEFT leg, RIGHT arm, RIGHT leg. Although she knew that Mr. Smith would appreciate a box with her LEFT chunk of belly fat under his tree for the holidays, Mr. Smith would have to wait.
Bethany LEFT wanted to try again. She was RIGHT when she informed the office about the missing student. She was RIGHT when she scored her best evaluation. She only fell LEFT of RIGHT when her boss wanted to meet with her at lunch. Bethany couldn’t say no, even though she knew it wasn’t RIGHT for her to have to meet her bitchy boss during lunch. Still, she would never tell the cuntface she wasn’t RIGHT. She would chicken out and make the union tell her was wrong again.
Upon entering the office, her boss LEFT the door open. Bethany thought this was a good sign, until her boss made her turn RIGHT around and close it. As her boss explained how she was always RIGHT and Bethany was always wrong, Bethany used her RIGHT middle finger to flip her off behind her desk. She only changed to her LEFT finger when her boss asked her sign to a form agreeing that the boss was RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT all the time! Bethany did not agree with the form but feared losing more than her LEFT middle finger if she did not concur. BUT just as Bethany was LEFT with nothing else she could do but sign RIGHT on the dotted line, the boss began to choke on her gum. She reached for her throat, and Bethany being RIGHT and good went to help her. The boss did not need help and would not take Bethany’s help. Instead of letting Bethany do the RIGHT thing and stop her from choking, the boss jumped to her LEFT out of Bethany’s way of help. Then she jumped RIGHT over her desk to dodge Bethany’s sense of RIGHT and wrong to save her choking boss that was now turning a bright shade of blue.
By the time Bethany LEFT gave up her conviction to save her grumpy old boss and get other help, the boss fell unconscious. Upon leaving the office for help from others, everyone she came in contact with refused to help. Mr. Smith was the only one who would come into the office, and when he did, he kicked her RIGHT in the belly, dislodging the piece of green gum….too late to save her, but Mr. Smith knew it would be a great souvenir to add to his collection.
RIGHT after the funeral, a new better boss with reason and good judgment stepped in. Now all was RIGHT with the world.
THE END
Mishaps Today 