The Hardest Job in Whole World

Parenting has to be the hardest job in the whole world.  When I think I have it rough with my hundred plus teenagers, I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to go home to more kids.  Call me insensitive, but really I don’t care.  Parenting is a job that keeps going long after a regular day of work is had.  I have the weekend off. I have nieces and nephews…I still get to go home to my quiet house.  It isn’t lonely.  It’s peaceful.  A parent’s job is never really done.  And the better the parent, the longer the sentence they received.  I see my parents multiple times through the week and still encourage my mother to fix dinner weekly.  Truly I believe that mother enjoys her children, but I know for a fact that I have made her cry once or twice for some stupid issues in high school.  I still never made my mother cry because of something I could control; she always cried for things that were impossible for me to take back.  Something I would gladly have done for her on the occasions she did cry.

There was a parent conference at school today.  These meetings are mostly called by the parents at the middle school level.  It would be nearly impossible to meet with every parent in a smaller parent-teacher conference.  This is actually a better solution to middle school problems.  The boy, his mother, his counselor, and his six teachers sit down and discuss what is good about the boy and what he needs to improve.

Personally I think, most general education students can handle middle school classes.  The classes are not that hard to pass, but it is true that some students have to work harder than others.  In the same way that one subject is harder than another.  In most cases, the conferences that I attend involve a student that has two distinct assets: caring parents (at least care enough to call a meeting) and the ability (but not yet the motivation) to fulfill their responsibility.  Vary rarely do I attend a conference where a student in truly incapable of doing the work.  In ten years of teaching, I have only requested tests for three or four students for special education.  It is middle school; hopefully, no one falls through the cracks that long.  It happens but not often.

Every parent makes mistakes.  Most parents care that their children succeed.  I know this to be true as I sit with this mother and her son.  She hears all of the teachers say how great her son is, but still he won’t do his work.  We offer solutions and guidance.  She has grounded him from everything for over a year.  He doesn’t care.  She insists she sees him sit in his room doing absolutely nothing.  The boy just sits in front of us all and stares at the floor.  I might actually believe he could perform an act such as nothing.

The boy leaves for a moment, and the mother tells us that he hasn’t seen his dad in over two years.  In fact, his dad called last week and asked for him to visit his home in Kentucky.  Of course, at the last minute, the father cancels.  The mother begins to weep.  I can only assume that this is something the boy is faced with often.

The boy returns.  We again help give him what his father has taken away from him.  We become after school buddies and promises ourselves to listen to his stories a little more.  The mother spends the rest of the meeting drying her eyes.

I don’t know how any child can sit apathetically as their mother cries.  I want to shake the kid and scream, “Look what you are doing to your mother!” Of course, I have seen worse than this mother.  I have seen other mothers sob or scream or make more excuse.  Can I stop her from crying?  We definitely tried; obviously we all care enough to be there for him.  The boy is offered opportunities to stay after school every day with a teacher, for help with homework and for attention.  We gave him second chances on assignments.  We offered all the help we could.  It won’t make a difference what we do if the student doesn’t do anything for himself.

It may be his father’s fault; he has definitely proved to be a rotten father.  It may be his mother’s fault; she might let the boy off the hook too often.  It may be the teacher’s fault; we don’t help enough, care enough, or reach him with our teaching style enough.  Or it may be the student’s fault; he is still the one passing state tests, reading for fun, and still not turning in his work.

Some parents care; some don’t care enough; others don’t care at all.  There is no winning for some kids.  Still the kids have to overcome odds and make themselves people.  How do I convince a thirteen year old that their lack of interest now will affect them in ten years? I only know the student for a year, maybe two; I can only do so much as a teacher.  Parents are responsible forever.  If the boy never gets motivated, he could be living with his mother when he is thirty or in jail.  The responsibility is too great.  Parenting is the hardest job in the whole world.